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MANCHESTER EVE NEWS ‘An inquest heard that former sea cadet Jane Kavanagh, 33, killed herself the next day after struggling to get support from council and healthcare officials.

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Oct 30 2018

A single mother who killed herself after struggling to care for her disabled daughter called her GP to say she was suicidal – and was offered an appointment 12 days later.

An inquest heard that former sea cadet Jane Kavanagh, 33, killed herself the next day after struggling to get support from council and healthcare officials.

She had been a full-time carer to her 15-year-old daughter, who was autistic and suffered from the degenerative condition cerebral ataxia.

Her parents did offer support, but their house was deemed ‘inadequate’ by council officials in Rochdale – so Miss Kavanagh and the children had to move to a messy nicotine-stained property described by family members as ‘appalling’.

In a suicide note to her parents, Alan and Irene Farrar, Miss Kavanagh, who lived on her own with her two children, wrote: “I just can’t find a way to drag myself out of this f.cking sh.thole of a life, I hate myself. I want to die all the time, I have for a few months now, every day.”

She was later found by neighbours hanged at her home in Rochdale having earlier left the children with Mr and Mrs Farrar.

 Miss Kavanagh killed herself on Saturday, April 21, this year. It emerged during the inquest that on the Friday she had called her local GP surgery and explained that she had suicidal thoughts – she was offered an appointment for 12 days later.

Tests showed she had been surfing the internet for ways to take her own life.

At the Heywood hearing Mrs Farrar wept as she said: “Jane was 19 when her first child was born and she had some difficulty with getting assistance from the authorities and she became her full time carer.

“Her eldest was diagnosed with autism but it took a few years for the authorities to accept that. She then started having trouble with her leg, which got worse and worse, and she was diagnosed with cerebellum ataxia in 2015 – she was just 12 and had lots of hospital appointments in Manchester and one in London.

Jane Kavanagh

”We helped when we could and they all used to live at our house, but they conducted a review and moved them out to a bungalow and her daughter moved to a specialist school.

“Jane wasn’t getting assistance at weekends or evenings. She was offered no respite. Her other daughter had some assistance from her dad.

“She wanted help for in the mornings, getting them washed and dressed and ready for school. She was looking after two children essentially on her own and she struggled. At first she was staying with us and her two children and there were no adaptions to the house or anything.

”She then went to a rented bungalow, but there wasn’t enough room for them all, so she was told to go to this new address as they said there was nothing else available. It was a mess, the walls were covered in nicotine, it was in an appalling state. She had to paint it and clean it herself.

“There was nothing there for her daughter, no adaptations to the bathroom, the bedrooms were upstairs, there wasn’t even a grab rail for the stairs. She had to shuffle on her bum to get upstairs. She spent the last 15 months in that property.

”She lost a lot of weight and she sometimes rang up distressed and said she felt she would end up in a psychiatric ward. We were concerned about her drinking, she was drinking a lot. She had financial issues too.

“On April 21st we had her daughter stay over on the Friday night, Jane then came over the Saturday morning to pick her up. She got her about lunch time and then came back at teatime. She told us she had eaten, so she had something. She seemed to be in a happy mood.

Jane Kavanagh

“Jane then asked to go to her friends and promised she would be back for 8pm. She didn’t come back. We expected her to stay over. Her daughter rang her, but her phone was off.

”Now we now have the same problems Jane had. Her daughter can wheel herself around but she needs constant care 24/7.”

Mr Farrar said: “We were absolutely devastated. We knew she had financial difficulties but no idea how bad. I went to the bank the day after she died and found that she had been transferring money to different people over the previous six months.”

Miss Kavanagh’s GP Dr Ayman Ramadan said: “In March 2018 she was talking about feeling depressed and her mother came with her. Although she seemed well, she was low in mood and was encouraged to self refer herself to ‘Healthy Minds’ so she could help herself.

Watch: The Samaritans – talk to us…

SAMARITANS: TALK TO US…

”She rang the surgery on April 20 and wanted an appointment. The receptionist used the triage system and made the appointment for May 2nd. At the time there were no red flags with how she was behaving.”

Recording a conclusion of suicide Coroner Nicholas Flanagan said: “Jane struggled to obtain support and assistance in her care of her eldest daughter. She had significant help from her parents who lived close by and they provided a lot of assistance.

“They initially moved into a bungalow but they did not have the sufficient space as Jane did not have a bedroom. She was supplied with a property, which was not adequate.

“There was no mechanisms for her daughter to go downstairs, get into the bathroom or go to her bedroom. Nothing was adapted. The property was not in a good state of repair. They found it difficult to live in there.

Jane Kavanagh

“This affected Jane’s ability to care for her children and the cause of her stress was down to the care of her daughter. In December 2016 she presented to have gone through a mental health crisis and she was prescribed medication to alleviate the depression.

“There is no evidence her medication was regulated or reviewed. She was advised to self refer herself to the appropriate services. On April 20th, Jane rang the GP again and she said she felt suicidal. She requested an appointment and was provided the next available date on May 2nd, some 12 days later. There was no evidence a GP or clinician considered Jane’s case following the phone call.

“There is no evidence other organisations were being called in or were called by way of explanation for how Jane was feeling. I find Jane suffered from depressive conduct due to her being the primary carer.

 

THE ROYAL PARKS HALF MARATHON 2018 LONDON IS DONE…THANKS TO ALL OF YOU WHO SUPPORTED ME FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Oct 15 2018

I really struggled yesterday for various reasons but I did it!  Here are some photos of me dancing wildly with my medal  – very happy in the knowledge that I have raised nearly £5,000!  Every penny of which will go to brave families with autistic children.  Lx 8e5af00b-f183-42e0-b42f-a5284c7e57a1 happy in the knowledge that I raised nearly £5,000 for all of the brave families with autistic children Lx Read more »

ROYAL PARKS HALF IS THIS WEEKEND -click on link for latest news on Lucinda and new photos!

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Oct 09 2018

https://bit.ly/2CwEjmZ

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fredfoundation

Fred’s mum training in wild Co. Donegal for The Royal Parks Half https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fredfoundation…last big run before the big day. 2hrs 20. Done

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Oct 03 2018

PHOTO-2018-10-03-10-22-50PHOTO-2018-10-03-10-22-52PHOTO-2018-10-03-10-22-51PHOTO-2018-10-03-10-22-51 (1)PHOTO-2018-10-03-10-22-51

Lucinda is running the Royal Parks Half Marathon for The Fred Foundation on Sunday 14th October! Anything at all you can spare?

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Sep 24 2018

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fredfoundation

“Across the country many autistic families are struggling as the extreme financial cuts in social care and education bite harder every day. Children and young people are not even getting the education the State is obliged to provide by law without a fight. Parents are often so worn-down by the day-to-day caring of their autistic children that they cannot fight a fight that often ends up in court”…please click my link below to read more Anything you can spare very gratefully received xx

UK.VIRGINMONEYGIVING.COM
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2017 Accounts

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Sep 09 2018

We have published our 2017 accounts which you may access below. If you have any queries please e mail

thefredfoundation@gmail.com

 

Signed accounts 2017

‘I WAS A CHILD CARER’ – When you are a carer, it can be hard to relate to your friends, with their “normal” lives. You have responsibilities. You have to grow up very quickly. “You can’t muck about and be so carefree.

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Jul 29 2018

‘I was a child carer – it made me who I am today’

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and her brother

From the age of 12, writer Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett helped look after her severely autistic brother. Like hundreds of thousands of other young carers, she took on major responsibilities early – but says it made her the person she is today.

Being a young carer makes you different from your friends. This is one of the first things that you learn. You visit their houses after school and notice how different their lives are from yours. Their houses seem tidy, quiet and peaceful.

Mine was the opposite.

My younger brother is severely autistic. He was diagnosed when he was four, but we knew there were issues before then.

Even as a baby, he wouldn’t stay still when you tried to hold him – my mum, Anna, said he was like an octopus wriggling in her arms.

As a toddler, he was hyperactive. He tore through our house, leaving chaos in his wake. He would climb furniture and banisters, empty cereal packets and cartons of orange juice on the floor, scribble on the walls.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's brother

He didn’t sleep. He didn’t talk. We knew our lives would be changed by his autism, but we didn’t realise by how much.

I am six years older than my brother, and cared for him along with my mum until I left home in North Wales at 18 (my parents separated when I was 12).

It’s been estimated that 700,000 children and young people across the UK, some as young as five years old, are caring for family members. But the true number is likely to be much higher, as many are hidden from view.

I know what an isolating and difficult experience it can be – growing up, I had no idea there were so many other children out there in similar positions, caring for ill and disabled relatives.

When you are a carer, it can be hard to relate to your friends, with their “normal” lives.

You have responsibilities. You have to grow up very quickly. You can’t muck about and be so carefree.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and her brother

I certainly didn’t misbehave – I felt that my mum, who did the lion’s share of the caring, had enough to deal with, without me being naughty as well. My brother barely slept and she was exhausted most of the time from getting up more than four times a night. I would care for him while she snatched an hour of sleep and, as I got older, for much longer stretches so that she could go to work or spend the evening with her then partner.

I did have moments where I felt quite separate from my classmates, who were still having their dinner cooked for them when I was preparing meals from scratch. On the other hand, being able to cook stood me in good stead in the long run, as did many other skills and traits I learned from being a carer – responsibility, compassion, empathy, selflessness, multi-tasking, patience and generosity.

A sense of humour was a must, especially when it came to toilet trouble. Mum and I cleared up enough poo for a lifetime (this may be why, at 31, I am still not sure how I feel about having children).

It taught me basic plumbing – give me some string and a coat-hanger and I can fix a broken toilet – but also how to laugh when you’re up the proverbial creek. You had to, because otherwise you would cry. Then again, we did lots of that too.

We had two floods and a fire, and endless weird and embarrassing moments. People loved my brother – he was a very cute child with a huge goofy smile and big blue eyes, but his behaviour was – how can I put it? – unpredictable.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's brother

Sometimes when we were out and about he would take his clothes off and run around while we chased after him, waving his trousers desperately like a flag. He was always falling into lakes and rivers, or reaching into people’s bags of chips and plucking them out.

He had no sense of fear so you had to be hyper-alert. He once ran into a field with a bull, which was terrifying. Thankfully we got him out in time.

He also had tantrums in public and people would stare and make comments. I always confronted them when this happened – being a young carer made me quite feisty. I had a keen sense of injustice from a young age and that has translated into my journalism, particularly when it comes to the hardship and discrimination that disabled people often face.

Schoolwork was difficult as sleep was disrupted, and the house was really noisy all the time.

I learned how to concentrate even if all around me was total chaos. I developed a love of reading and tore through several library books a week. In a way, being a carer is what made me a writer. When things were difficult, I needed a way to escape, and reading provided that, but it also made me interested in people.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and her brother

You learn so much about humanity when you are looking after someone vulnerable and you need empathy, a vital skill when it comes to creating your own characters.

Teachers didn’t always understand. I’m not surprised that Carers Trust Wales have found that many children who are carers are not known to local authorities. Adults often don’t think to ask, or when you try to explain why your homework is late, or indeed why you are, they will just say that you are making excuses. I’ll never forget the horrible reaction of an after-school drama teacher who refused to accept that I had missed a rehearsal because I had to look after my brother.

Nevertheless, for every nasty person there were many more kind ones.

I had a couple of close friends who lived nearby – Hannah and Kate – who have always been there, and would keep me company when I was on my own with my brother at home because mum had to work or pick up a prescription. (Hannah is now a mental health nurse and says her experience looking after my brother helped inspire her to pursue that career.)

As I grew older, I opened up to more friends about my home situation. They were all really supportive, treating my situation as though it were no different from anyone else’s. Sometimes people act as though they are uncomfortable around my brother because of his strange seeming mannerisms and noises, but they never did. They helped me realise that there is no such thing as a normal family.

My mum trusted me, and in many ways that worked out quite well – as long as I made sure my brother was OK, I could have people over and she could benefit from finally having a bit of a social life. Often friends would help put him to bed, and I remember being particularly touched to find my friend Sam reading him a bedtime story.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's brother

Leaving home was hard. By that time, my brother was in a special school, staying overnight during the week and coming home at the weekends. Yet I still felt like I was abandoning my mum, who was finding it increasingly difficult to cope.

My brother had grown very big and strong and she couldn’t control him any more. He had also developed epilepsy, which needed careful management and supervision, and his obsessive-compulsive disorder meant that taking him outside was more and more difficult. She became very isolated.

I missed them both terribly, because although things had been hard at times, we were a family.

I cried for two weeks, and I think the sadness and the exhaustion are with me even now.

Although I have a good job and a happy life, there are some days where I still feel very low.

When my brother was nearly 15, things became so difficult for my mum that he went into school full-time. He is now 25 and lives in a care home. He is very happy there – his carers are brilliant, and I see him as much as I can for walks on the beach and trips out for lunch.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and her brother

I am grateful for how lucky we are – not everyone receives such good government support. If the help hadn’t been there, I might never have left home. I certainly wouldn’t have gone to university or have established a career as a writer.

Whenever I meet young carers, I want to give them a hug and tell them that I know what they are going through.

They should be given more support – both practical and respite care. I certainly would have benefited from some counselling.

No child’s education should suffer because they are looking after a family member, they should be encouraged by adults, and given the help they need.

Sometimes I am asked if I wish my brother had been “normal”. It’s a strange question, because it’s essentially asking me if I wish he were a different person.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett's brother

Obviously, I wish that he did not have to suffer, which he does as a result of his epilepsy and anxiety. But I love my brother for who he is, and looking after him has been the defining experience of my life.

Caring has made me strong as well as sensitive. It has made me a kinder person and given me the motivation to fight for social justice. But most of all I feel lucky to have felt such profound, unconditional love for my little brother. That has been a gift.

HIDDEN LIVES – HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

0 Comments | This entry was posted on Jun 17 2018

Anyone can be a father but to be a Dad to a severely autistic young person is quite something else.  So, to all the unsung heroes who care for autistic loved ones and especially to the Dads who care for profoundly autistic young people and never have a day off from worry or strain. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.  We see you.

Renuke & friends at Spark Foundry UK supporting The Fred yet again! www.justgiving.com/fundraising/london2parisforfred

0 Comments | This entry was posted on May 21 2018

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FROM THE FRED!

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/london2parisforfred

The Hidden Lives of Siblings of Children with Disabilities’ – ‘WHAT ABOUT ME?’ By Avidan Milevsky Ph.D

0 Comments | This entry was posted on May 14 2018

“What about me?” Enhancing the Lives of Siblings of Children with Disabilities by Avidan Milevsky Ph.D

There is one member of the overall family system who has been neglected as part of the effort to attend to disability issues: namely, the siblings of those with disabilities. As I have argued in multiple venues, sibling issues in general is an area that has been neglected in research, application, and the law despite the fact that siblings play an integral role in the lives of people throughout life. This neglect of sibling issues is even starker when examining the attention given to siblings in overall disability services.

To begin shedding some light on this problem, allow me to present several common issues faced by siblings of children with disabilities:

SIBLINGS MAY DEVELOP MULTIPLE DIFFICULTIES

Siblings of children with disabilities are at a greater risk than average of developing emotional issues, anxiety, and stress. These problems are known as internalizing issues, not obviously visible, and may be an attempt by these siblings to hide their problems; they may want to be well-behaved or protect their already overburdened parents. Other issues that these siblings may face are peer problems, as well as a lack of engagement in extracurricular activities and academic issues as a result of limited time and money.

SIBLINGS BECOME OVERLY RESPONSIBLE AND INDEPENDENT

Considering the attention given to the child with the disability, siblings may neglect their own issues. In some cases, siblings experience parentification where they are expected to have many responsibilities for themselves and their sibling, developing duties similar to those of a parent and overlooking their need to act like children. This responsibility may seem positive to parents but may actually be precursors to emotional distress.

SIBLINGS MAY FEEL NEGLECTED BY PARENTS

The family focus on the child with the disability may take away from the attention desired by the sibling. Time spent on medical and therapyappointments for the child with the disability limits the amount of time parents can spend with the other siblings resulting in their feeling neglected. Furthermore, parents may spend a great deal of emotional energy on the child with the disability leaving little emotional energy to support the sibling.

SIBLINGS FEEL IN THE DARK FROM PARENTS AND SERVICE PROVIDERS

Siblings may have similar questions about the sibling with the disability as do parents but have little information or resources available to them. During doctor visits, they are often left in the waiting room. Parents may want to keep well siblings away from the treatment environment or may want to protect the privacy of the sibling with the disability leaving the well sibling feeling in the dark about what is going on with their sibling. They may have many unanswered questions about their sibling including whether their disability can be transmitted and what will be in the future. With little or no information, siblings may develop their own ideas about what is happening, often much worse than is actually true.

SIBLINGS EXPERIENCE MIXED EMOTIONS

Sibling may experience a range of emotions about their situation. They may feel guilt wondering if they caused the disability of their sibling or they may feel guilt about why the disability did not happen to them. They may feel fear about the health of their sibling or about what may happen to their sibling in the future. Siblings may also experience resentment, anger, or jealousy towards their sibling considering the attention and resources expensed on their sibling. An additional common feeling is embarrassmentas a result of the behaviors and appearance of their sibling. In some cases the embarrassment may be so great that they disassociate from the sibling with the disability. They may claim to be an only child or may not invite over friends so that they do not have to answer questions about their sibling.

SITUATION PROVIDES OPPORTUNITIES FOR SIBLINGS

Beyond what is known as the pathogenic perspective, which highlights the difficulties associated with having a sibling with a disability, this difficult circumstance may also offer some opportunities for siblings. These siblings often develop certain positive characteristics such as self-controlcooperationempathy, tolerance, altruism, maturity, and responsibility as a result of dealing with their family situation. They may develop loyalty and a protective attitude towards their sibling. In some cases these siblings use someone’s attitude about special needs as a test for screening friends and mates. Their involvement with their sibling may even lead them to choose future occupations in the helping professions.

I see first hand at my university the great strides that have been accomplished in offering an environment that offers everyone a chance to succeed regardless of limitations. I am inspired by the great work of our university’s office of disability services in caring for the needs of all students. This great work is being replicated in many industries and institutions across the country. Focusing on some of the unique issues faced by siblings of individuals with disabilities is an important step in the continuous work that is being done in disability services overall. I hope to highlight this focus in future columns about variations in how siblings experience the above outcomes and some recommendations that can be used by families and service providers in helping these brave and burdened siblings.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/band-brothers-and-sisters/201406/siblings-children-disabilities?eml

Avidan Milevsky, Ph.D., is an associate professor of psychology at Kutztown University of Pennsylvania.