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Marathon news -help us reach £10,000

This entry was posted on Apr 18 2016

LONDON MARATHON TRAINING SO FAR– BY FRED’S MUM http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fredfoundation

I did my last longest run a couple of weeks ago early on a Sunday morning. Moving silently and carefully around the kitchen, getting ready to go I heard a voice behind me, “what’s happening what’s happening?” It was my autistic son Fred whom my creeping around had still woken up.

His terrified faced, eyes welling with tears, all 6ft 3 of him completely naked, made my heart break anew at his vulnerability. I guided him back to his bedroom saying, “Daddy’s in bed, twins are sleeping, Mummy’s going for a run don’t worry darling”.

He got back into bed and then said even more desperately, “What’s happening, what’s happening? Mummy say!.” I repeated it back exactly as I had said it before. “What’s happening, what’s happening?” only came again.

As I repeated back exactly the same explanation a number of times, now close to tears myself, I thought I can’t do this 22 miles today. I’m not in the right frame of mind. Then, he seemed to quieten and lie back and I went.

I began to run, turning to look back at his bedroom window. His pale face was watching me through half-opened curtains and I waved. He didn’t draw the curtain back across until I had gone. I doubled back to check. The curtains were closed.

Now you might think oh well he just didn’t want her to go out like any young child.

My son is 17 and his autism means he just doesn’t understand the world. If things don’t happen in exactly the way he expects them to (and mainly you’re guessing at that all the time because he can’t tell you) then he feels utterly petrified at the uncertainty. Still a little scared boy, a boy who makes routines out of routines.

I know all of this, all of the time, but, seeing his pain doesn’t get any easier. God knows who will care for him after I’m gone is a constant in my head and today his naked vulnerability gets to me more than other days.

I turned my music up very loud.

Later…..back at home thinking ‘how the hell do I run 26 miles on the day after that 22 nearly killed me’, this note pinged up on my donation page.

8.04.16 GOOD LUCK WITH THE RUN AND THANK YOU FRED FOUNDATION FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR OUR FAMILY WITHOUT YOU JOEL WOULDN’T BE IN THE SCHOOL AND GETTING THE PROVISION HE HAS BENEFITED FROM SO MUCH.

Better do it then.

http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fredfoundation

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